To my angry "teammate"

You often yell at me for leaving adaptive equipment set up at the gym. You know me, so you know it’s hard, and in some cases, impossible for me to put it away on my own and I have to ask someone to help.

I know you and have never viewed you as a mean person. When you get mad at me, I try not to take it personally. Maybe you just had a bad day. Everyone has bad days.

But I don’t think you’re right. I don’t think you can blame me for leaving the equipment around. It’s not my equipment. It belongs to the gym and it’s where it should be. I don’t complain when I come in and find your bench in place, so why do you have to complain if you find mine?

I know most people on our powerlifting team use the regular bench, but I also know I find it there way more often than you find mine. And I know I can’t move it on my own, but you can.

Today, I saw you walking into the gym as I was parking my car. I knew you’d find the adaptive bench. I just hoped you wouldn’t get mad because I was already exhausted and I had come to the gym to free my mind for a while.

I got in and heard you walk up the stairs. You saw the adaptive bench and got angry. I don’t know who you were talking to, but I heard you when you called me the R-word. I don’t know if you knew I could hear you, but you hurt me.

When you walked down the stairs, you yelled at me and told me I must always ask someone to move the bench when I’m done. I didn’t reply because I wasn’t in the mood to apologize and didn’t want to hurt you. I try to always be nice to people because I don’t know what they’re going through.

This isn’t the first time, and it probably won’t be the last, but I want you to know you hurt a lot people by calling me the R-word. It’s not just about me, it’s about the entire special needs community. I don’t get called the R-word very often because my cerebral palsy only affects my movement, but there are people with special needs who might be called that every single day, and it’s so wrong. I know you probably were just mad and didn’t really pay attention to what you were saying.

A friend of mine once told me if someone gets mad at me because of my special needs, I don’t have to worry about because it only determines the other person’s worth and not mine. But I’m not judging you because I know you, and I know you’re better than that. What makes me a little sad is the fact you know me. I thought you were my teammate and my friend. I used to look up to you, and I didn’t expect you to act like this because I have always been nice to you.

I’m not going to apologize for having special needs and needing extra equipment or extra help. I’m not going to apologize for leaving my bench in place. I’m not asking you to apologize for what you said or did. I’m just asking you to try to put yourself in my shoes. And remember, a little kindness never hurt anyone.

My essay about inclusion

I had to write this essay for my English writing class and I decided to share it with you before I hand it in. As you know, English is not my native language, please excuse any mistakes. Feel free to contact me with any kind of advice! A big thank you to Philip for giving me a couple ideas.

April 2 is World Autism Awareness Day, which highlights the frequent exclusion of autistic people from school and work opportunities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with integrating disabled people into our everyday life?

Many people think people with disabilities should be separated because they are a “burden” to society. Every single person, with or without a disability, is unique, but that doesn't mean someone should be discriminated against because he doesn't fit in society's idea of normal. It is very important to include every person in everyday life and everyone can contribute to society if they are given the chance to. For example, autistic people are often considered “stupid” or “worthless” because of their unusual behavior, but this is just a prejudice caused by ignorance.

Autistic brains work differently from neurotypical brains. Because of the way their brains work, autistic people may need to move their body or avoid eye contact to be able to think and avoid sensory overload, but that doesn't mean they are mentally challenged. Many autistic people can't talk or communicate in a reliable way, so they are often put in special education. Teachers think they can't learn just because they can't demonstrate understanding in a “standard” way. This is not a solution. Society needs to give these kids accommodations to be heard and teach them in a way that they feel accepted and valued. Just because they can't speak, it doesn't mean they can't think or feel just like anyone else. There are methods such as RPM (Rapid Prompting Method) that allow non-verbal kids to communicate through typing, which allows them to be considered smart and reach their full potential. Such methods could allow inclusion of autistic kids in mainstream schools.

The problem of inclusion does not only apply to autistic people but to people with disabilities in general. The main obstacle to inclusion is society's perception of disability. Disabled people are seen as unable to achieve, they are considered a burden instead of a resource. This mindset leads to one of the biggest problems that we have to overcome in order to achieve full inclusion, that is pity. Pity is an obstacle to inclusion because able-bodied see disabled people as an opportunity to be nice and they feel good because they helped the unlucky ones. People who care about and love someone with special needs are often considered heroes, in the same way as people on wheelchairs, for example, are considered heroes just for getting out of bed and remembering their names.

This is a very dangerous way of thinking because it implies someone doesn't deserve to be loved and accepted as much as anyone else just because of their disability and that disabled people are expected to spend their lives at home doing nothing, so it is surprising to see people on wheelchairs living a normal life.

Many people with disabilities, especially if they are mentally challenged, are given jobs “just to give them something to do”. In many cases, people with special needs work very hard and are often underpaid. The people hiring them take advantage of the fact that in some cases they can't advocate for themselves and they don't have a strong support system to “exploit” them.

In many countries, the school system doesn't do much to include kids with special needs in mainstream education. Let's try to figure out what the obstacles are and what we could do to remove them: different kinds of disabilities mean different kinds of obstacles.

Kids with developmental disorders may find it hard to attend a mainstream school because of their lack of social interaction (as in the case of autism), but they could be gradually included if the school makes an effort to help them overcome their challenges, for example by testing them in a way that they can demonstrate understanding, which may not be the typical way. Some kids, for example those with Down Syndrome, have intellectual disabilities that may prevent them from keeping up with the other kids' schoolwork, these kids will have different tasks if necessary, but that doesn't mean they shouldn't be able to do their best and be around their non-disabled peers.

Kids with physical disabilities may have trouble attending school because of physical obstacles, such as stairs or lack of equipment (computers, special desks and so on). These problems are really easy to solve and public schools should make an effort to make the school buildings accessible to kids of all abilities. Inclusion does not only benefit kids with special needs, it also teaches other kids respect for all people and increases their understanding and acceptance of diversity.

People are only disabled when the environment around them doesn't enable them to reach their full potential. By eliminating the obstacles to inclusion, we turn the disability into a distinctive feature, which is not something bad, it is just part of a person and it has to be embraced. If we make an effort to fully include people with special needs in society we will learn to see the world from a different perspective and free our mind from prejudice. Inclusion is something we could all benefit from.

Is this support or just another obstacle?

I was watching TV a few days ago and I saw this ad. It is in Italian, so I'll translate the words for you. It says something like:

"When a baby is born with CP, everything stops for that family, every normal life, every future dream...Please send an SMS and donate to support these families..."

You know I have cerebral palsy and this ad made me think about the way disability is represented in the media and the message that comes across.

I wanted more opinions about it, so I asked a few of my CP buddies to watch the video and share their thoughts with me. Here is a short summary of what we have to say:

• Nothing stops for the family! Of course, a child with a disability is something they didn't expect and didn't wish for and it will change their lives but it won't stop anything. Any child changes the life of his family. Things can get harder when the baby has CP but it is not a tragedy!
• A kid with a disability can have a normal life, if society allows him and his family to enjoy it without having to face judgement and ignorance.
• Families with disabled children do have dreams, just like any other family! They might be just a little bit different from the ones they had before the diagnosis but they don't disappear.
• They keep showing a picture of the little girl where she doesn't smile or do anything, she is smiling in every single one of the other pictures. They clearly want people to pity her. They think that if people feel bad for children with CP they will donate more money.

Here's what they don't think about: what are people going to think about these children and their families? 

They will think that they are unlucky and that their life sucks. They will think that they are worth less than other children, that they are broken and need to be fixed. Society will consider them unable to take care of themselves and become successful adults. They will be considered a burden. People will donate a couple euros and feel good because they helped those "poor children". 

This message does not help families of kids with CP. You know what would help them a lot more than that money? A positive image of disability. An ad to show the world what they are able to do, to show their strength instead of their "weakness". A chance to prove their value. 

They need help eliminating the prejudice: you are just making it stronger. You are making their life harder. Families of children with CP need your understanding more than they need your money. The change they want to see is in your mind, not in your wallet.