To my angry "teammate"

You often yell at me for leaving adaptive equipment set up at the gym. You know me, so you know it’s hard, and in some cases, impossible for me to put it away on my own and I have to ask someone to help.

I know you and have never viewed you as a mean person. When you get mad at me, I try not to take it personally. Maybe you just had a bad day. Everyone has bad days.

But I don’t think you’re right. I don’t think you can blame me for leaving the equipment around. It’s not my equipment. It belongs to the gym and it’s where it should be. I don’t complain when I come in and find your bench in place, so why do you have to complain if you find mine?

I know most people on our powerlifting team use the regular bench, but I also know I find it there way more often than you find mine. And I know I can’t move it on my own, but you can.

Today, I saw you walking into the gym as I was parking my car. I knew you’d find the adaptive bench. I just hoped you wouldn’t get mad because I was already exhausted and I had come to the gym to free my mind for a while.

I got in and heard you walk up the stairs. You saw the adaptive bench and got angry. I don’t know who you were talking to, but I heard you when you called me the R-word. I don’t know if you knew I could hear you, but you hurt me.

When you walked down the stairs, you yelled at me and told me I must always ask someone to move the bench when I’m done. I didn’t reply because I wasn’t in the mood to apologize and didn’t want to hurt you. I try to always be nice to people because I don’t know what they’re going through.

This isn’t the first time, and it probably won’t be the last, but I want you to know you hurt a lot people by calling me the R-word. It’s not just about me, it’s about the entire special needs community. I don’t get called the R-word very often because my cerebral palsy only affects my movement, but there are people with special needs who might be called that every single day, and it’s so wrong. I know you probably were just mad and didn’t really pay attention to what you were saying.

A friend of mine once told me if someone gets mad at me because of my special needs, I don’t have to worry about because it only determines the other person’s worth and not mine. But I’m not judging you because I know you, and I know you’re better than that. What makes me a little sad is the fact you know me. I thought you were my teammate and my friend. I used to look up to you, and I didn’t expect you to act like this because I have always been nice to you.

I’m not going to apologize for having special needs and needing extra equipment or extra help. I’m not going to apologize for leaving my bench in place. I’m not asking you to apologize for what you said or did. I’m just asking you to try to put yourself in my shoes. And remember, a little kindness never hurt anyone.

Is this support or just another obstacle?

I was watching TV a few days ago and I saw this ad. It is in Italian, so I'll translate the words for you. It says something like:

"When a baby is born with CP, everything stops for that family, every normal life, every future dream...Please send an SMS and donate to support these families..."

You know I have cerebral palsy and this ad made me think about the way disability is represented in the media and the message that comes across.

I wanted more opinions about it, so I asked a few of my CP buddies to watch the video and share their thoughts with me. Here is a short summary of what we have to say:

• Nothing stops for the family! Of course, a child with a disability is something they didn't expect and didn't wish for and it will change their lives but it won't stop anything. Any child changes the life of his family. Things can get harder when the baby has CP but it is not a tragedy!
• A kid with a disability can have a normal life, if society allows him and his family to enjoy it without having to face judgement and ignorance.
• Families with disabled children do have dreams, just like any other family! They might be just a little bit different from the ones they had before the diagnosis but they don't disappear.
• They keep showing a picture of the little girl where she doesn't smile or do anything, she is smiling in every single one of the other pictures. They clearly want people to pity her. They think that if people feel bad for children with CP they will donate more money.

Here's what they don't think about: what are people going to think about these children and their families? 

They will think that they are unlucky and that their life sucks. They will think that they are worth less than other children, that they are broken and need to be fixed. Society will consider them unable to take care of themselves and become successful adults. They will be considered a burden. People will donate a couple euros and feel good because they helped those "poor children". 

This message does not help families of kids with CP. You know what would help them a lot more than that money? A positive image of disability. An ad to show the world what they are able to do, to show their strength instead of their "weakness". A chance to prove their value. 

They need help eliminating the prejudice: you are just making it stronger. You are making their life harder. Families of children with CP need your understanding more than they need your money. The change they want to see is in your mind, not in your wallet.

Unlucky song

Tonight's post is about a serious matter.
A few weeks ago I came across this song on Youtube and, as I listened to it, it made me really upset.
Let me tell you why:
This song is about Aden, a child with Cerebral Palsy, he is referred to as "unlucky". How does his disability make him unlucky? You can't assume this kid is unlucky just because there are some things he can't do. This is the title of the song, the main focus of the whole song is to show how "miserable" his life is.

Here are some of the most insulting and judgemental lyrics in my opinion;

"Can I ask you why you love me?" "Thank you for giving so much love to me" A kid - with or without a disability - should NEVER have to ask his parents why they love him. That's just what parents do, they love their children. This is normal, they are not doing him a favor by loving him. The fact that he has a disability does not mean he shouldn't be loved as much as any other kid.

"I'll never speak to you/walk with you..." Why focus on what he can't do instead of what he can do? I am sure he has many abilities and he deserves the world to see how able he is. CP may have taken his ability to walk and talk, but it has blessed him with a beautiful smile and made him able to appreciate the little things in life, why does no one see this part of him?

"...someday they will look at me and say we've come to set you free" Free from what? From the wheelchair? From his "miserable" life? A kid can be free on a chair, his wheels are his freedom, and he can have a life just as happy as anyone else. The only problem here is the way the society sees him, as unlucky and unable to live a fulfilling life. Society makes him unlucky, not cerebral palsy.

"but until that day, all that you can do is look at my eyes and see my dreams" What about interacting with him, playing with him and trying to see the kid and not just his disability?

I find this song disgusting because a kid with a disability is seen as a burden, as a worthless human being, but it is a wrong message! No song should carry such an insulting message, it's already hard enough for disabled kids to understand how awesome they are, they don't need society to let them down. I know this probably wasn't the singer's intention, but this is the message we get from this song, and it is very wrong and dangerous.
The society's perception of people with disabilities needs to be changed as soon as possible.